Raising A Son To Be A Gentle Man

It’s Thursday morning and I just got back from walking the dogs wth Skye strapped to my chest in an Ergo Baby.  I’m sitting here at our home, looking out into the living room. Right across from me, Skye is fast asleep in his Boppy, and our doggies, Faith and Nalu are just behind him sleeping as well. It’s an awesome sight.

As we were out on on our walk, I began to experience what Jack Handey would refer to as “Deep Thoughts”. I got to thinking about what an awesome opportunity I’ve been given. I get to be a father to a son. Never did I imagine that I would have this role in this lifetime, but here it is.

One day this boy will grow to be a man. But what isn’t given is what kind of man he will become. A lot of that will be determined by how he experiences me. Why?

Because as I understand it, most of his personality and core beliefs about life will be formed in his first 5-6 years on the planet.Right now, essentially he is a blank slate, living in the present moment with a beginners mind. He absorbs life and all it’s nuances like a sponge.

At this stage, most of what he learns will be through imitation. Who will he imitate? Those he is around most often.Presently, that’s me and his Mom, Liz. So at this monumentally important stage of development, I have the privilege of being his primary male role model.

Recognizing the truth that my son will be modeling much of what he experiences through me, before I think, speak or act, I believe it is my duty to ask the question”What will my next words, thoughts or actions be teaching my son about what it means to be a man?”

It forces me to expand my awareness and think not from my little ego self but rather from my higher, ever-evolving self. Therefore, as I see it, he’s actually teaching me to be a better man. Pretty cool!

So what kind of man do I want to model for my son? I’ve thought about it a lot actually and the answer to this question is this…

I hope he sees and experiences his father as a man who exemplifies kindness, peacefulness, compassion, forgiveness, understanding, chivalry, honesty, integrity, authenticity, tolerance, inclusion, empathy, gentleness, selflessness, generosity, humility, playfulness, spontaneity, joy, courage, collaboration, resourcefulness, cooperation, civility, passion and love.

In my humble opinion, the world urgently needs more men to step up and be examples of the above mentioned qualities.

For many, the vision of what it means to be a “real man” is that you’re meant to be strong, powerful, dominant, hyper-competitive and financially successful. I think it’s quite evident that this antiquated, immature, patriarchal way of existing isn’t working for the planet. It’s time for men to lead with their hearts and not their “heads”.

Do I fall short from time to time? You better believe I do. That’s called being human.  And if I want my son to embody the traits of being a true gentle man, then I must first live as an example of it for him.

Challenge accepted. Thank you my dear Skye for being my teacher. It’s an honor to be your Dad.